Wednesday, November 5, 2014

"Beat again"





It amazes me how fragile somethings are. I feel like I am kind of being let down by SVU a little bit. I have had a rough time with a certain class this semester. I am actually doing fine in the class but the way the teacher teaches and the way I prefer to learn doesn't match. As I found in high school, I can really learn however I need to learn. I am not specifically a visual, audio, tactile learner. I can learn any way. This week however I have really missed Idaho. I miss my opportunities had out there. Which at the time I thought were limited. I miss being able to be a part of an amazing orchestra. I miss being able to take lessons for a nurturing caring professor who wanted me to succeed. I miss my paid internship with a middle school choir program. I miss living in a "city". I never ever thought I was going to call Pocatello a decent sized "city" but yes comparatively it is! So I have been angry, upset, depressed really almost any negatively associated word could work. Then this song started playing tonight as I did my homework. It spoke to me. While I still have problems with this class, while I am still trying to find a viola teacher out here, it calmed me. I really like the chorus:

"Tell your heart to beat again
Close your eyes and breathe it in
Let the shadows fall away
You’ll live to love another day
Yesterday’s a closing door
And you don’t live there anymore
So say goodbye to where you’ve been
And tell your heart to beat again"

Saturday, October 25, 2014

New view on things.

So this past week has been interesting. I woke up Sunday miserable. I had a fever all of my lymph nodes were swollen, and I had no energy. None! I thought oh whatever no big deal 24/48 hour virus I will be fine. 48 hours came and pasted I was still sick. My lymph nodes had gone down except one. This was unusual because instead of being the ones in your neck(throat) area it was one in my lower armpit. Weird I know. It hurt it was red and it was bothering me. I was able to finally go to the doctor on day 4.
-this was a miracle within itself. It was really hard to find a doctor out here accepting new patients and had a spot open within 48 hours.... 

Anyways, I went. They took my temp 101. No wondering I was feeling miserable. Then I finally got to meet the doctor. She is seriously the nicest lady ever! She listened to me. She was concerened with what concerened me. She was great. Well we did a normal physical and then went to the lymph node. She looked at it and then looked at the one on my other side which theoretically should be identical. She noticed what I was saying it was swollen. It didn't look right and it isn't a normal one to swell. This she didn't like. So she then decided to check everything for lumps. We couldn't identify one but something was causing it to swell and be in pain. She orded a blood test and an ultra sound. She told me she was looking for tumors. Well of course my mother and I, being my mother and I, had looked up and knew what path this was headed down. This was on the diagnostic track for young adult breast cancer. Breast cancer in an 18 year old. Yeah you don't hear about that one every day. I honestly have never given a thought to breast cancer. I am too young I always told myself. It is something people my grandmas or even maybe mom could have but not me! Anyways blood test came back normal my white blood cells weren't even elevated. This was reassuring but not at the same time. Then I got to go have my ultra sound done. The whole morning leading up to this I may have been a basket case. I would look in the mirror and notice how my hair is finally growing out past a pixie cut finally into a small bob. I would think of all sorts of things and be on the verge of tears. Needless to say it was a rough morning. Then I went to our itty bitty hospital and got the ultra sound. This was only of the lymph node might I add. It all came back clear. The doctor said as long as no new symptoms popped up she was pretty sure it was a virus. This was comforting for the day.  The next day how ever I started developing some upper chest discomfort. I honestly don't know what is causing it. If I was coughing it would feel like an upper respiratory pain almost but I don't have a cough.... But it is just discomfort to go with the general swelling. Oh well (we are going that it is a symptom of whatever virus I have) But I think we are out of the deep end guys. Today I was pushed hard and in the moment I didn't feel well at all but tonight despite everything that has happened today(had to get beautiful for cheer and then continue to cheer at a football and volleyball game, and go to the store) I have energy, this is the kid that the day before I got out of bed only three times because I was literally that drained of energy! Hoping that tomorrow is the same and that pretty quick I can be symptom free.


So this weekend I we had our breast cancer awareness football game. This was so interesting for me. I had so many mixed emotions. Being told at 18 that they thought I might have had breast cancer was so hard. And then today to cheer and be happy was kind of a rough thing. It hit close to home. I have always ignored it. I have never felt attached to it, but not this year. This year it could've be me. I could've be that one in eight that gets breast cancer.

 I am very grateful for modern medicine. I am very greatful for a doctor who took me seriously and worked fast to find out what was wrong -within 24 hours all tests were done and I had results. 

You don't know what is going to happen in life. Life can go upside down so fast. It is always interesting to me when you are faced with losing everything and possibly even your life how your perspective of life changes. I think it is a good reality check sometimes-not being told you have cancer, but I think y'all know what I mean :)

Sunday, October 5, 2014

Update on Life

I have adjusted to life here. Things are now normal. I joined the cheer squad. I watched them and thought to myself I could do that. Now with that thought, I had no intentions of joining. I talked to one of my roommates though and decided to email the coach. I seriously didn't think anything was going to come of it. Maybe next semester or next fall, or nothing at all since I have no experience. But guess who is on a cheer squad now?!? :) So I am excited. She wants me to be a flyer. That was like the one thing I swore I was never ever going to do... fly. But I am excited I also swore I was never going to go to a church affiliated school or play violin. Well look where I am at now, lol.



This is our uniform

We get sleeves for when it is cold

Matching socks

And don't forget the shoes.... ;)

We also get matching nail polish,bag,warm up jacket and pants, and a cheer shirt-I will get those eventually! So excited!





I was able to register for classes. The way things are looking I can graduate in three semesters. That makes me so excited you have no idea. I want to be a nurse right now and since my school doesn't offer that and I am almost done with my degree I am just going to finish it. There is something called an accelerated BSN which takes about a year to complete. Then you actually have two degrees so I am wanting to do that.

So next semester I am taking a lot of generals. I transferred with almost my entire major done, I just have a ton of generals, welcome to a liberal arts school... oh well.

Spanish 2
Art History
Reason and Self (Philosophy)
Conducting
History of Opera
Ballet
Violin
and Cheer Conditioning

It will be nice to be close to done though. I am a junior come Christmas and if I take summer school like normal I will be a Senior in the fall! :)

I am able to take violin next semester. I am trying to get back to playing but don't want to kill my neck. So we are starting with the smaller of the two instruments. One nice thing here is you just have to have four lessons they don't care which instrument. So I am taking violin for the semester. I am excited. I have never had lessons on violin just viola. Hoping my neck will hold up. It seems to be doing alright though. It has only bothered me once this past week and that was during cheer and we were doing a pretty intense workout. The pain was manageable and was mainly in my lower cervical spine/shoulder. I still have limited movement and it is a lot tighter but less pain will make me happy any day!

Still loving my roommates. They are awesome. We are all collectively insane and it is ok.

It is becoming fall. Fall might be like my favorite season! It became October and then all of the sudden the leaves started changing colors and falling. Like literally no leaves on the ground to a ton of leaves on the ground. Craziness! Today the temperature cooled off too! It was so nice I love the way cold air smells, yes it smells different. Now all I have to do is find a hiking buddy. I live less than 3 miles from the Blue Ridge Parkway- I need to explore this!

Over all- all good things!


Sunday, September 14, 2014

7 months later

So seven months ago my arm started to feel weird. Within a week I got my massive migraines that ended me up in the ER twice. I wasn't able to sleep through the night due to neck and arm pain. I had to stop playing viola. I ended up with two incompletes. Well 7 months later..... Not far from where I was in February/March. I have now seen 5 doctors. I have had a CT and an MRI. I have had a nerve conduction study and physical therapy. I even own two cervical collars aka cones of shame. I still can't play. It is really hard. All I have worked for for the past 4 years all out the window. I can't literally play. I have been told so many different things and they all overlap but none are identical. I stopped PT when I  started my vacation time but since I have regressed almost back to where I was in February/March. I have a very stiff neck. My mobility is decreasing drastically. My arm is tingly it feels like I touched an outlet. I wake up with almost no sensation in my arm. Who knows. Who knows when my neck will feel better. I am really hoping that someone either in Louisville or Buena Vista/Lexington can figure it out. I really do feel like it is skeletal which causes issues with muscles and nerves.  It is frustrating. I want to play.  I want to be normal. I want to be able to wear whatever I want. I want to be able to look down without being in pain. There are so many things I would love to do. Being able to play makes my major enjoyable, without it it is torture. I should have just hit my 5 year mark, instead I woke up with a numb arm. I get so frustrated I am a music major because I love viola. I am a music major because it makes me happy to play. It connects with my soul. Yep no viola. I get to be in music classes but I am in the two nastiest ones that exists to man kind. I get to pretend to be a music major but part of me is missing. It is a hole I can't fill.


So far so good

Nothing exciting to report. Buena Vista or BV has a lot of bugs. Like a lot of bugs. Like I grew up in Houston and think this is a lot of bugs. There are spiders everywhere. Anyone who knows me well knows Becca doesn't do spiders. There haven't been to many in the apartment they are mainly outside of the apartment. They live on our front porch and our back screen door. Gross. We also have one that insists on living between the two trees in front of our apartment. This isn't a problem for anyone else but my roommates and I walk through the web so often it is so so so disgusting. We have them drop down from the ceiling during class.... Yeah no, not cool.
The weather is thinking about fall! Today it didn't leave the 60's and was almost cold after straight 80's+humidity! Very nice! I love fall. I love everything from September leading up to Christmas. It is magical almost. I am really hoping I get that this year. Last year seriously lacked. But my roommates and I already want to do a pumpkin so I am hopeful.
I couldn't have better roommates. I have had so many for how short I have been in school. I have had good ones and bad ones. I have horror stories. But mine right now are awesome.

So I am finally in my last theory and aural skills classes! YAY! For those of you who don't know, those are the let's torture the music major and make them rethink their major. Some schools have more but SVU only has 3 semesters :)
As for what on Earth am I doing? I don't really know either. I am getting my music degree. I have about a year and a half left if I take summer school this summer. And lets face it I may go nuts if I don't. So I will probably be graduating Spring 2016. Awesome! So excited. For career though I don't know... I thought about everything I thought about being a doctor, physician assistant, music teacher, nurse, nurse practitioner.... everything. I think at this point I kind of want to be done with school. I want my degrees and to be done. I would to get married, work, and have a family. So as of now I am leaning towards a second degree BSN, also called an accelerated BSN. I can have it in about a year to eighteen months after I graduate with my music degree. I would only have to work 3 or 4 days a week this way... that sounds good right?

I guess the one strange thing for me is a lack of music friends. I have always had music friends. I look back and that is the kind of people I hung out with. Middle school all the way through my freshman year of college... but not here. My only friends so far are pretty much my roommates. I don't know it is a weird feeling totally fine with me just a little weird.

I am missing my pretty kitty. Poor Jacquet never gets to live with me. I am hoping to be able to find off campus next year and be able to bring her, so we can finally live together under one roof. That like never happens for more than a month.

So far so good.

Friday, August 29, 2014

New Adventure


Thoughts. I am at a new school, with new people. I am studying a whole new concentration. I have a different music background than the rest of the music majors. Life is in a weird place. And for some strange reason I like it. I have not felt lonely, empty, or out of place. This is where I am suppose to be. I fit in. I love my roommates. Life is interesting. Life leads us to strange places, but this is where I am suppose to be, even if there is a million spiders here. 

At the end of the semester in the spring there was something that just wasn't right. Nothing felt right. I couldn't pick classes, my neck was injured and had no hope in sight, I couldn't find a roommate, or somewhere to live. I wasn't expecting to transfer. I out of the blue applied to SVU in June. I was accepted I was able to find classes. I could graduate next spring if I wanted to. I finally am where I am suppose to be and it is a really nice feeling.



Thursday, August 28, 2014

We are Siamese if you please....





So Jacquet has a ton of Siamese in her! She looks somewhat Siamese but her actions also are very Siamese. She is verbal about everything. If she wants anything she will tell you. Whether it be water, loves, food, a clean litter box, anything. My mom says she sometimes walks around the house just talking- I think she is looking for her mama :)



She is a mini cat now. She won't get a whole lot bigger because her mama was really small. So cute! Missing my pretty hairy french kitty!

Hairy Baby



So the last 6 seconds is all you need  to watch. This is Jacquet's new nickname. The funny thing is she responds to it. I can walk in the room and call Jacquet and she won't move, but if I call hairy baby she comes running.

Aural Skills

So I may really really like my aural skills professor.
He puts aural skills into a real life setting. For those of you who don't know, aural skills is a sight singing, rhythm, listen and write the music down kind of class. I normally don't like it very much. I find it kinda pointless. I understand its place in life and why a music major should know it yes, but it just isn't my thing.
So my new professor puts it into perspective. He doesn't care if we are the master of solfege or dictation. He doesn't care if we still can't look at a piece of music and have no idea what the solfege is past the first three notes. He even admitted that he too would love to blow up movable do send it to another country get it back just to blow it up again. We can get along! I have the same feelings. So what if I can't solfege. I am an instrumentalist, when my neck is behaving, we don't talk solfege that is left for choir people. He also doesn't like clapping either. This made me happy too. I have had to clap rhythms out since middle school. I am use to it, really I am. This doesn't mean I am any good at it though. I have a thing that is some how delayed between my hands and my eyes or something. I feel like I hesitate or something, but it never turns out the way I want it to. He has a verbal system he uses. I like this so much more. It is just abstract sounds, and yes you have to learn them, but it is so much easier for me than the clapping, or even the verbal counting I did in middle and high school. He even mentioned that certain cultures have a harder time clapping, the concept is so abstract to them. He said today that this is the last aural skills. There is no one that I have to pass you to that I want to impress. If you haven't learned it by now, if it hasn't clicked, it isn't going to! His big thing is being able to teach. He wants us to be able to teach a child rhythm and how to sight read music. This I can understand. I can teach, I love to teach. It put it in perspective for me. It gave me a motivation to try. He is taking the dreaded class and making it something fun. He lets us move to the rhythm walk around the room, dance, and stomp. He lets us play percussion instruments. He is letting us sight read real music like Gregorian chants. He is letting us ask why chords progress the way they do. He doesn't say it is what it is or that is just the rules, he actually explains it. This is something I can actually see worth my time. It is no longer a class that I dread. It isn't a sit down learn this. Learn slofege something that an instrumentalist almost never use. It isn't attempt to clap this rhythm, which half of you won't be able to actually clap out correctly. I like this. Even if I am not a music ed major, I can still teach private lessons eventually, or use it with my own children. This class is finally something I will actually use now.

Sunday, August 24, 2014

Virginia

Well I am here. I now live in Virginia. The drive over has some mountain passes serious mountain passes.  It is different very different. It is small- I thought Pocatello was small and remote, yeah.... no this is small and in the middle of nowhere. It has its own beauty but is very very old. The campus itself is pretty housing is another story. I will adjust. This will become home eventually. I have new mountains to look at. Theses are covered in trees and fog. I am excited for fall though-that will be pretty. I have to share a room. My room last year which I had to myself was probably bigger. The whole town home/apartment whatever you want to call it is SMALL. Like really small. The people seem really nice though. There are less kids here then the number of kids I graduated high school with. You actually have to talk to people. The ward is big for a YSA ward and there are 6 of them. It makes me laugh- the professors are the bishop, stake presidency people. We shall see. I am in some serious classes that is what I get for being essentially a double major. I am hoping I love it though. So classes look like this for the semester:

Cell Biology
Physics
Music Theory 3
Aural Skills 3
Recital Attendance
Computer Lit
Spanish 1


Saturday, July 12, 2014

Another Song







In the quiet misty morning when the moon has gone to bed,
When the sparrows stop their singing and the sky is clear and red.
When the summer’s ceased its gleaming,
When the corn is past its prime,
When adventure’s lost its meaning,
I’ll be homeward bound in time.

Bind me not to the pasture, chain me not to the plow.
Set me free to find my calling and I’ll return to you somehow.

If you find it’s me you're missing, if you’re hoping I’ll return.
To your thoughts I’ll soon be list’ning, and in the road I’ll stop and turn.
Then the wind will set me racing as my journey nears its end.
And the path I’ll be retracing when I’m homeward bound again.

Bind me not to the pasture, chain me not to the plow.
Set me free to find my calling and I’ll return to you somehow.

In the quiet misty morning when the moon has gone to bed,
When the sparrows stop their singing,
I’ll be homeward bound again.

Sunday, June 15, 2014

What now

So it is official I am transferring. I was miserable at ISU. I just had a rough year. I had run a rounds with housing, food people, and students. Overall I have decided it is a very good school, just not the school for me. The music faculty were great! We were a little music family. But all in all I wasn't happy. So how did I get to the idea of SVU? Well my friend wants to attend their eventually, and it is a ton closer to home(By 26 hours!) so I just considered it. I wasn't really looking to transfer, I was trying to make the best of my situation out in Idaho. But there music program looked like what I needed.

To understand this you have to understand my neck. This week I started physical therapy. In PT he found that I have three vertabrae that just don't move. The are locked/frozen in this weird place. Thus causing mild swelling around my nerve roots. Now how no one saw that on my MRI is beyond me, but I believe him. I think he is right because when he can get them to separate for the 30 seconds he pulls on my head/neck my arm/neck/shoulder feel amazing. There is no tingling there is no pain. Ok the point of this, this was caused by viola. How I don't know. But it is the second time and this one is much worse. So basically this week I was told to limit viola and basically it really isn't the best for me to be playing. -hard to hear as a music major

Ok so how does this apply to SVU? Well their music program is much more condensed. They have half the lessons I would have to take at ISU. My orchestra credits are done. I only have like 8 classes left to finish just a normal music person degree. This will be so much better for my neck. Now yes I am giving up learning so much. But I do t know if I could physically do it. So I am excited to still be able to get my music degree and be able to save my neck. 

Ok so now if you know me you are wondering why normal music degree, you were music ed. You are right! I was music ed. So I have started taking biology for the summer. I have remembered how much I love biology how much biology comes naturally to me. I like it and it likes me. I have always been fasinated by cancer. I think it is cool not sad. I know I have a messed up mind. I love to learn about it. So I started looking at programs at SVU and they have an amazing amazing amazing pre med program. So yes I am officially nuts but want to be a pediatric oncologist. Why? Well even being a music teacher I am going to have to play my instrument at least a little, and most supplement their income by teaching lessons. I can't play I really shouldn't be playing. It was a hard thing to grasp. I love viola. I love teaching music, but maybe this isn't what I should be doing. Anyways so now I have started my med school prerequisites. CRAZINESS!!! It is like 13 sciences classes plus statistics, and an mcat class. SVU has tutoring sessions your jounior year for the mcat weekly with all of the science faculty. The semester before they have a whole class. They have mission trips to Ecuador and the Dominican Republic where they teach you medical Spanish. They have spots in the free SVU clinic to train us and let us volunteer. I am so excited. So yes I am very,very busy for the next 12 years. ;)



So how is Jacquet? 
She is a little cat, and a very cute one. 
This week she has calmed down a little bit. She actually was a lap cat and would cuddle with my feet when I studied biology. She is becoming more vocal. Meow now means who knows what. Cuddle with me, feed me, pet me, give me water. I don't know! She still has her crazy momements. Yesterday she ran like a flying white bullet around upstairs. She is so cute! She knows who mom is. She will come up to me and purr against my feet. If I can't find her she is on my bed. The one I like the most she comes when I call her and pat my thigh-is she part dog? 


Sunday, June 8, 2014

Jacquet





Ok it could just be me, but close your eyes. Can't you see a cat?!?!



Story behind her name. Originally I was going to name her Mozart. But one day I was sitting in music history and heard this really cool harpsichord song. I don't like harpsichord. It gets on my nerves really really fast, but this one I liked. That was impressive in and with itself. I had also recently found out she was a girl kitty and wanted a more feminine name for her. So she is named after Elizabeth Claude Jacquet de La Guerre. She was a child prodigy just like Mozart. She was playing for Louis the XIV at age 5.




Update on Jacquet:

My kitty is beautiful.
She is my French kitty. ;)
She is three months old.
Meow means I want water.
She doesn't like the beach, bath time, or the car.
 Her favorite toy is probably her tail. She loves to chase it. SO CUTE!
Her favorite place in the car is my lap. I told her if she attacks my feet we both die.